1/15/13 Shopping Urges

I'm officially halfway through my first month of abstaining from the ubiquitous consumer culture of California. I almost had a meltdown this morning and bought a pair of fabulous woven leather wedges, but I convinced myself that I didn't need them and - anyway, it's way too cold to want to spend money on wedges of all things. I've quickly learned that my coping mechanisms have become avoiding, acknowledging, excusing, and ultimately dismissing. Let me explain:

1. Avoiding - I have changed my habits from frequenting stores and online shopping websites to avoiding them outright. This drastically decreased my desire to purchase items. Out of sight, out of mind.

2. Acknowledging - Every once in a while, though, I am unable to refrain from visiting these tempting shopping sites. When this happens, I consciously acknowledge my consumerist appetites and weaknesses.

3. Excusing - I then look at whatever item I crave and make excuses. It's too big, too small, won't look good on me, wouldn't last long, isn't in season, isn't in the perfect color, I have something like it in my closet already, etc.

4. Dismissing - I dismiss the object, exit the store or website window, give myself a pat on the back, and go along my way.

It's been a little over two weeks and I have used this method quite effectively. I don't know how long it will be enough, though. My hunger for items grows by the day (not to be melodramatic). I think I may need to find a better solution soon.

XOXO
Recovering Shawna

Good Deeds 12, 13, & 14

"Compliment someone's new haircut."

On Saturday evening after watching the football games (Go 49ers!) TBF and I went to my friends N- and C-'s house in Sacramento for N-'s birthday party. C- cut her hair while she was in Miami over the holidays, and it looks fabulous! A bob with straight bangs - so modern and sophisticated! I couldn't stop complimenting her.

"Tuck your sweetheart in."

TBF wasn't feeling well over the weekend, so Sunday night I made sure his shoulders were covered while we watched movies in bed. He then got me sick.

"Don't eat meat today."

I actually try consciously not to eat a lot of meat, particularly red meat. Part of it is connected to health, most of it is connected to my love of animals. I have never had veal and I never plan on having it. I cave every once in a while, because I love steak and bacon, but for the most part I try to be good. That being said, I do eat fish and chicken. Today, I went completely meatless. Bagel for breakfast, bread and vegan dip for lunch, tea drinks, and dinner is TBD - a salad?

Good Deed 11

"Send a handwritten thank you note."

My friend L- brightened my morning by surprising me with this thoughtful gift at work. It is the perfect end to my rough week! L- made me a bookmark (flower print, naturally) to keep my place in  this book about Random Acts of Kindness she lent me. I look forward to reading it and sharing favorite stories and quotes. What a great inspiration! Naturally I had to send a handwritten thank you note. Such thoughtfulness requires much more than an email!

XOXO
Happy Shawna

Good Deed 10

"Write a list of things you are grateful for."

My good deed of the day was supposed to be paying the bridge toll for the person behind me on my way from SF to Davis this morning. However, yesterday afternoon on my way to see TBF I got into a car accident. Now I need to save all of my good deeds that involve money for later on in the year after I have paid for all of my car repairs. Sigh. Things really haven't been going right for me this week, but I am determined to keep doing my good deeds. I figured instead of the bridge toll, it was time to try to focus on the bright side of things with this list:

 

I am thankful for TBF who did everything he could to make me feel better in the middle of the night when I was so upset that I couldn’t sleep. He is the nicest, sweetest, most loving, most genuine man and I can’t express how much I appreciate and love him.

I am thankful for burning hot showers on cold days.

I am thankful that my jeans fit this morning.

I am thankful my car still runs, and that when I am sitting in it I can almost forget how wrecked it is on the outside.

I am thankful B- is our insurance person and that he has been since I was a kid. And that yesterday when I called him upset about the car accident, after making sure I was okay and telling me to email him the details when I was safely at home he said, “I’ll call your parents after I get off the phone with you. I know how they can be sometimes.”

I am thankful my parents seem to be somewhat calm about the accident.

I am thankful I have a job.

I am thankful for my boss, S-, who almost always comes to work with a cheerful attitude that lifts my spirits.

I am thankful that my accident was not like the one in Vallejo this morning, where a truck fell off an overpass onto the freeway below and burst into flames.

I am thankful I have enough money to pay off my driving ticket after payday today.

I am thankful that in 15 days I will have another payday that will go toward fixing my car.

I am thankful it is a blue sky kind of day.

I am thankful I am not injured.

I am thankful for pomegranates, my favorite fruit.

I am thankful for all natural, not-tested-on-animals lip gloss and lotion.

I am thankful for my sister, and for the female comedian last night who reminded me of my sister.

I am thankful for my cheery, bright orange purse.

I am thankful that no matter how awful I feel today I’m still able to come up with a long list of things to be thankful for. And that I still had it in me to do a good deed for the day.

I am thankful that the flower-print pants and jeans I ordered came today – perfect timing for a pick-me-up.

I am thankful for my amazing, caring friends who find the time to keep in touch despite time zones and distances.

I am thankful for R- at Bernard's in Davis, who advised me on where to go to get the beginning work on my car done.

I am thankful my family and friends are healthy.

I am thankful that I get to go home and cuddle Admiral Snuggles.  

XOXO

Sad Shawna

Good Deed 9

"Return a long-overdue phone call."

This morning I called my friend A- who I have poorly neglected for quite some time. I am absolutely awful at listening to my voice mails and calling people back, so I had one sitting in my inbox from A- since last year! And, as irony would have it, when I called her this morning to see if she would like to get together this weekend, I got her voice mail... We will see if she forgives me for ignoring her and if she will ever call me back. Oops. Better late than never...

XOXO
Voicemail-Neglecting Shawna

Good Deed 8

"Compliment someone over seventy."

It hasn't been the best of days, so it took more effort than usual to do my daily good deed. However, I was amazed to realize just how much better I felt after doing something as little as going out of my way to compliment someone else. While at the post office this afternoon, I spotted an elderly woman wearing very fetching horn-rimmed glasses. I gave her a tentative smile, she gave me one back, and I complimented her. Her wide grin and "Why, thank you!" made my day, along with the email I received from a coworker who thanked me for yesterday's Ghirardelli sweets. S- wrote: "You made me remember a fellow I worked with back [in the day]. Every Monday he left a rose from his garden on each lady's desk. Made Mondays much nicer." What a wonderful memory and compliment.

My good friend, H-, who just completed her #26acts wrote that she has become "totally hooked on the good deeds movement" because as opportunities to perform acts of kindness arose, she discovered more and more "channels of goodness" in operation. "As I got more and more attuned to the sphere of serendipitous do-gooders that exists and is no doubt infinite, I experienced a kick alarmingly similar to that of endorphins."

Dear H-, I couldn't describe it any better myself. The more I reach out to touch the lives of others, the more I volunteer, and the more I help, the more I recognize others doing the same. I have become aware of a worldwide web of kindred spirits who live to do good, and I get a total kick out of it. Endorphins are said to be not only uplifting, but addictive, and I have hopped onto the good deeds movement for good!

XOXO
Uplifted Shawna

1/8/13 Shopaholism & Strippers

I've realized quite quickly I only get the urge to buy something when I feel unhappy. Since the beginning of the year I've felt unhappy twice and both times I have found myself, almost unconsciously, browsing my favorite shopping websites look for a pick-me-up. This morning I have been downright morose and I have already almost bought an Elie Tahari blouse. I talked myself out of it, but the window is still open in tab of my browser as I type.

I need to feel happier if I am to stop shopping altogether, or I need to find a better way to pick myself up.

In case you are dying of curiosity, the big weight on my shoulders this morning is whether or not I should attend my friend, N-'s, birthday party - at a female strip club. As a feminist do I want to financially support such a distasteful occupation by paying a cover fee and buying drinks at a strip club establishment? No. Do I appreciate the fact that women sell their sexuality to male audiences for large sums of money, perpetuating society's fascination with the sexual objectification of women? Definitely not. Do I want to rub shoulders with men who have girlfriends and wives sitting at home while they get eye candy pleasure elsewhere? Gag me. But should I make assumptions about strip clubs without ever having been to one in order to make my own conclusion? Probably not. Would a young straight female attending a female strip club challenge the concepts of male dominance and female subordination in such environments? Sure. So it seems like I should go.

But then the question arises: Should I bring TBF? Given the fact that he has been to one before and enjoyed himself immensely, my answer is a resounding "NO! That won't make me feel good!" But part of me whispers: "Maybe I should bring him along and consider it a trust-building exercise, since I have such horrible trust in men due to past experiences." And then the other part of me shouts, "But no man is a gentleman around a stripper!" And the other part whispers back, "Maybe he will be the exception." And the other part screams: "Man is a man is a man is a man." (Comme Gertrude Stein's famous quotation.) And "Your money will go to the strippers in exchange for a glimpse of the sexual objectification misogynists love; TBF's already gotten a glimpse of it. His money and presence would be supporting, not challenging the establishment." And back and forth and back again the internal dialogue continues.

And all I want to do is buy that Tahari blouse to make myself feel better (or the Michael Kors bag below - how cute!) because I'm utterly befuddled and shopping is one thing that is always so straight-forward and reliable.

But I'm being good... Ugh.

XOXO
Stripper-wary Shawna