"Make an effort to mend a rift in a friendship."
One of my biggest regrets since graduating college is the deterioration of one of my best friendships. I met R- on move-in day at the dorms. Bounding into my dorm suite, I eagerly introduced myself, "Hi! I'm Shawna!" only to have R- respond, "Hi! I don't think you live here!" I was mortified but R-'s outgoing personality and laugh, and my complete and utter enthusiasm for all of college's firsts, let the moment pass quickly. We went to our first welcome week party together that night and we were inseparable from that moment on.
R- and I are similar in so many ways. Our parents are married with two kids, and R- and I are the older daughters. We were both International Relations majors with dreams of traveling and a love for packed social agendas. R- and I took classes together. In between classes, we gossiped over coffee and CoHo food. We went to parties and fraternity cocktails together. We participated in similar sports; R- was a rower on the women's crew team and I was a coxswain on the men's crew team. We went to Aggie pack events together, pulled all nighters together, did Picnic Day and Whole Earth Festival together. Everything was together. We were two peas in a pod, connected at the hip. In fact, it almost seemed like things went wrong on the rare occasions when we were apart.
When I had a 105 degree fever freshman year of college, R- drove me to the hospital and stayed with me in the emergency room. When I went through an incredibly difficult break-up, R- was there for me, crawling into my bed with ice cream and chick flicks. In return, I was her translator when she had one too many adult beverages and wanted to speak in fluent Spanish - even though I had never studied the language - because as her best friend I could naturally read her mind. I was her partner in crime, her conscience at times, and her unwavering support. R- and I were best friends for years. I anticipated R- would be a key player in my life, from being at my wedding to my baby shower to my retirement party.
Unfortunately we grew apart toward the end of college. R- went abroad to England - and I was so happy for her. She was thriving in the international scene, drawing, working, experiencing life and pursuing happiness. I was able to visit her over Thanksgiving before I started my full-time post-graduation job, and she was in her element. Once the funds ran out, though, she had to return home and she experienced heavy reverse culture shock. Struggling with her job search, family, honestly struggling with things I was unaware of that R- didn't share with me, R- seemed to turn inward. She seemed to lose her drive, her spark, and she resorted to unhealthy coping mechanisms that ultimately led to a rift in our friendship. I was so worried about R- that it was taking a toll on my mental stability and I had to distance myself for my own sake. I tried to talk with her first, but she was unwilling to discuss whatever was bothering her or unable to confront her demons. To this day I don't know exactly what she was having to deal with. I still wish I knew. Maybe I wasn't persistent or pushy enough.
R-, if you are reading this, I'm sorry I didn't push you to share what was going on. I should have found a way to do more and be there for you more and I sincerely apologize. I hope you can forgive me.
Since then, R- has gone back abroad and I am sure she is thriving once again. I wish her all the best, but I also wish we were still as close as we once were. We were not speaking for several months, but have begun to speak again infrequently, and I hope our friendship is on the mend.
"Play hooky."
I'm sick so I don't know if it really counts as playing hooky - but today I stayed home from work. I watched numerous episodes of Alias - remember that show? - and spent a lot of time cuddling my cat. I wish I had a little more energy to clean my room and run errands, but I gassed up my car and that always seems to be a horrendous feat, so I'll call it a good day.
XOXO
Sick Shawna
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